Self Improvement Information

When Betty Eadie was 31, she died in a hospital after undergoing surgery. What happened next has been called by some, “the most profound near-death experience ever.” Betty journeyed to a beautiful world beyond this life. She met Jesus there. Jesus gave her a message to give to others when she returned. These quotes from her books, Embraced By The Light, The Awakening Heart, and The Ripple Effect give a glimpse of her profound experience. Part XXI

“God knows beforehand what we need, but he wants us to grow by exercising our spiritual strength and constantly seeking his help in the face of opposition. The world may tell us to rely on our own egos and talents. Satan may tell us there is no God. Our own consciences weaken us with accusations of unworthiness. If we are going to pray effectively we must exercise faith sufficient to blast through these doubts and speak to our Father who is waiting patiently and lovingly for us to reach out. Sometimes is takes extraordinary circumstances to impel us to call on Father.”

“As I remained in the Savior’s glow, in his absolute love, I realized that when I had feared him as a child, I had actually moved myself further from him. When I thought he didn’t love me, I was moving my love from him. He never moved. I saw now that he was like a sun in my galaxy. I moved all around him, sometimes nearer and sometimes farther away, but his love never failed.”

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, “101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life.” Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. drdorothy.net drdorothy.net

“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his [or her] own…how much kinder, how much gentler he [or she] would be.”

–William Allen White

“Humility can be sought but never celebrated.”

–Unknown

Lindsay Lohan recently joined the list of celebrities who have spent time in rehabilitation. She was suspected of driving under the influence after crashing her Mercedes; cocaine was also tentatively identified at the scene. It is simple to scoff and point a glaring finger at her mistakes, but she acknowledges the tenet of every organization that exists to help individuals get well: “I have a problem.” Paris Hilton is serving jail time and Britney Spears is reorganizing her life, aptly noted on her website: “I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.” Disgust or apathy tend to be the perception of these young stars, but is it possible lament is the better word? Are their stories simply more Hollywood banter to gossip about or are they authentic glimpses into the deep trenches of a person’s soul?

I recently heard someone discuss the power of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings. Having exhausted all resources, men and women join this community on a daily basis. In fact, consider the wisdom of this gathering: everyone is working towards the same goal; accountability to others is pivotal; relapse is possible; boasting is a vain exercise; success can be achieved. Ironically, finding assistance comes with a difficult admission, perhaps the hardest phrase to utter: “I cannot do this on my own.” When pride falls down, when the walls of the false self crumble, restoration begins. Solomon, a king of ancient Israel, writes, “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” In this particular sentence, the ancient Hebrew word for low is shaphel and means “sink” or “abased.” It’s vexing that “lowly” and “honor” reside together, but strength rises when we look to others for support and encouragement. And as a society, we expose those who are not genuine, who give shoddy efforts. But it is our secret hope the hurting discover wellness.

As wellness emerges, numerous lessons are revealed, two of which worth noting. The first is wisdom, recognizing the warning signs that lead to pride, lust, jealousy, and the list of other vices society engages with on a daily basis; the second is humility, a new look on life, fresh eyes. The opening quote captures this outlook, for it contains a paradox. Those who celebrate humility are ironically revealing its antithesis, pride. The humble deflect attention and prefer not to be recognized; they wish to serve or volunteer quietly, letting their actions go unnoticed. Few live by this mantra though. In seeking importance, purpose, status and prestige, men and women intentionally verbalize accomplishments to others. And even if they don’t, others tend to do it for them. And the truth is quite simple–we enjoy the attention, the praise of others, the flash of the camera bulb, the awards that grace the den walls. Otherwise, there is no need for magazines, television, books, or film. Our society revolves around the power of the human spirit.

Although pride is generally framed through negative connotations, there is additional room on the spectrum. Pride is healthy and another way of describing self-respect. Everyone has abilities, passions, and gifts to make the world a better place. We take pride in a family heirloom or a rare piece of art, a new car or a job promotion. Many feel a deep sense of civic pride as they vote. Pride is good, but becomes unhealthy when the measure of one’s self becomes exaggerated or excessive. It is then a mind of egotism and vanity begins to blossom, the person no one wishes to be around. Oddly enough, we tend to secretly admire the arrogant, those that seem to have life together and always comment on the comments of others. But a different person may live behind closed doors, a depressed person, a hurting person. Unfortunately, it easier to put the mask of happiness on, burying true emotions.

Pride has also been the focal point of race recently. Mel Gibson was blasted for his remarks about Jewish men and women, Don Imus made a callous remark about the Rutgers women’s basketball team, and Michael Richards may have ended his career during a stand-up routine some months back. Pride has been the basis for the Civil War and the Civil Rights Movement. And while racism seems quiet, it’s presence is everywhere. I watched “American History X” (1998) two months ago and spent the remaining moments of the evening in jarring shock and deep reflection. Derek Vinyard, eerily portrayed by Edward Norton, is a former Neo-Nazi who tries to prevent his younger brother from following his path. Vinyard is influenced by a man consumed with white pride, further driven by hate for minorities after his father dies. He murders a young black man and heads to prison; what he discovers is hell on earth, total breakdown. It is then Vinyard decides to give up his former way of life. And ironically, a black teacher never gives up on the true man he sees within Derek.

“American History X” and “Crash” have revealed to me I have racist tendencies. Everyone has racial tendencies. Though they may never be vocalized, I process these thoughts unconsciously. Again, it easier to look at the faults of others. Looking inside is difficult and reveals unwanted character traits; growth comes when we come to the understanding that change for the better can occur. Pride keeps us from this admission, the blatant denial that no problem exists, that all is well. Solomon writes, “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Humility resides in the heart of those who listen, internalize, respond, grow. Societal wisdom may denote the humble as weak. But in light of the Scriptures, unconventional wisdom is apparent.

St. Paul talks about strength in weakness. The ancient Greek word for weak is astheneia and means “to bear trials and troubles.” Life is full of astheneia, working through problems that arise day to day–strained relationships, parenting, divorce, anger, jealousy, finances, purpose, existence, peace. But like rehabilitation, strength comes when we look beyond our means and seek the help of another, a higher power perhaps. Calm begins to sweep over a chaotic mind and rest begins to engulf the soul. Men and women who enter rehabilitation and sit down acknowledge this statement, verbally or mentally: “I need help.” And sitting across from them is someone who wishes to do just that. In fact, this motion of sitting down is similar to a posture in which both legs rest down on the earth.

Austin Bonds is the author of Genuine Existence and creator of BECOMING GENUINE DAILY, a movement that exists to recognize the overlap between the spiritual and the cultural. For more information, visit becominggenuinedaily.net becominggenuinedaily.net

It has become a daily practice for me to refrain from watching the early news or turning on my computer until I’ve taken some time to nourish my soul. It is a practice that I’ve really had to work on in an effort to discover my own sense of peace.

Waking early, around 4:30 or 5 a.m., I reconnect by listening to the soft breeze flowing across the lake and rustling in the trees on the lawn. A lone bird sings his praise announcing a new dawn promises to arrive, even if the sun is still below the horizon. By the time 5 a.m. rolls around, the harmony of the other waking birds adds to the choir.

I watch “New Morning” on the Hallmark station at 6 a.m. This gentle program sets the tone for a day of reflection. It is interesting how often the topics covered tie into my day’s study and activities. This morning’s topic was “Peace Makers.”

After the program, I took my book, journal and camera with me in my canoe. I was the only person on the lake. The sounds of birds and squirrels, along with the breeze and water lapping against my canoe, permeated the landscape.

Two docks down, a family of geese lounged on the lawn of a generous neighbor who leaves out special goodies for them. The goose parents tended their rapidly growing brood of goslings and took some time out for a respite on dry land.

To me, this is the epitome of peace. I let the wind take my canoe around the bend of the lake.

The first line in St. Francis of Assisi’s prayer is, “Make me an instrument of your peace.” Confronting me is the fact that by asking to become the instrument means that I must carry the tune of peace within me.

It has taken me almost six decades to learn this lesson. Our social, and often even our religious, practices teach us that what comes from outside of ourselves and settles within us is what gives us peace.

Too often, we seek peace from what we do, or have, or earn, instead of recognizing that the peace of the Creator comes from taking time to commune and seeking the wisdom that is there all the time. I believe that with the breath of the Creator, I am alive and the presence of the Creator sits in my soul.
There is a phrase, from “The Course in Miracles,” which says, “I can choose peace, rather than this.”

This simple message has impacted me a great deal over the last six months. I do not claim to have the lesson completely learned, but I’m working on my perspective.

I have discovered that what I experience around my own life and in the world as chaos, pain, destruction, unfairness, betrayal, war, hunger, loss… can lead to a severe disruption in the peace of my world.

I realize that I cannot change the whole spectrum of the chaos that keeps the world in an un-peaceful state. What I’ve come to understand that in order for peace to have a chance I must come from a place of peace.

It is not easy. But it is a better choice than thinking negative thoughts and contributing to the chaos. And that is exactly what it is a “choice?”

I want to share some sites that offer the choice for peace and understanding and a deeper connection. The world is conflicted over the crises in the Middle East. Much of it stems from the Israeli and Palestinian conflict over the right of Israel to exist as a nation. Who has the right to the land? Generations of disagreement exist, as each tells the story of their perception of history and rights to the land.

There is a group of Israelis and Palestinian experts, who together have formed an organization called Prime ( vispo.com/PRIME/), a group that expresses a strong desire for peace and understanding. Co-founders Dr. Sami Adwan, a Palestinian, and Dan Bar-On, an Israeli, operate the organization with equality.

Together their efforts have prepared textbooks and a curriculum entitled “Learning Each Other’s Historical Narrative” for both ethnic-based schools. Reading Dr. Adwan’s perspective of his incarceration by Israeli soldiers because of his alleged affiliation with the Fatwah in the 90s, I was struck by his choice of “choosing peace rather than this.”

He described several incidents in which one Israeli soldier denied access to a water fountain to prisoners during a transfer. Another soldier, however, overrode the decision and allowed the prisoners to quench their thirst.

Another incident had to do with the harsh demeanor a guard had in speaking to Dr. Adwan. Again, another guard treated him with compassion and respect. From these experiences, Dr. Adwan came to find peacefulness within his heart. He recognized that although all these men were Israeli soldiers, he could not judge all soldiers in the same way. The uniforms were the same, yet each man was an individual, with different values and perspectives about the treatment of those they were to guard.

Dr. Adwan chose to extract peace from his experience, rather than chaos and hate. Today, he and his colleagues at Prime are dedicated to making peace. I am convinced that this Muslim-Jewish alliance comes from a place of peace and a clear intention to find common ground as both pursue the end of conflict and misunderstanding.

Peace does come from within each of us and our relationship with the spirit of creation. Surely the Creator is the axis of peace.

If we “choose peace,” think of the impact we make toward understanding ourselves, our relationships, our faith — expanding that attitude into the world in which we live.

We just need to take the time for peaceful reflection in order to nourish the seeds of peace with in us so we can sow them in the garden of our world.

For more sites that demonstrate effort of choosing peace, check out: www.JustVision.org, www.EncounterPoint.com, Center for Non-Violent Communication www.cnvc.org.

(c) Maralene Strom 6/06 All Rights Reserved

Maralene Strom is a speaker and author who teaches on topics dealing with grief and recorvery — let her help you discover your life’s meaning as you journey now and into your future. Visit

After you bury your husband, dear widow, you won’t feel like doing much. But, I am here to tell you, you will be okay. It may take awhile, but later or sooner, you will evolve into the person you are meant to be. Here are two tips on what to do to guide you as you make your way through the grief process:

1. Carry a pen and pad. Begin today. Start a habit. Whenever a grief thought loops your brain and saps your energy, fingerhug your pen, and write on. Maintaining what I lovingly refer to as a joy-nal will free your wild mind, calm your rattled spirit, relieve your body of stress. Placing your thoughts on paper will unleash the writer within you. And as a bonus, at the end of one week, one month, one year, you will have created a lasting tribute to the man you adore. Imagine a written memorial for family and friends to read after you have gone.

2. Collect Something of His. Find a treasure. I recommend something small, perhaps His watch, His Cross pen, or His wedding ring. Take a picture of it. Print it, or have it developed. Then, paste the gleaming image onto a 3×5 index card. Turn it over, fingerhug your pen, and write something. Begin with, I remember, and keep going. Create one 3×5 index card once a week, and at the end of one year, you, dear widow, will have created a deck of (what I lovingly call) joy.

What are you waiting for? Write on! It’s your deal.

You have permission to email Linda Della Donna at mailto:littleredmailbox@aol.com littleredmailbox@aol.com and request a copy of her free ebook, “Treasury of Quotations, For Widows Only.” Be sure to read her blog, griefcase.blogspot.com griefcase.blogspot.com and be on the look-out for her upcoming website, griefcase.net griefcase.net

There is a vast secret that many have known throughout the ages. Thousands of us are awakening to discover it for ourselves. This powerful knowledge, when applied, is enough to transform our planet into the peace on earth we all say that we want. It even transforms my life–and yours, too.

It’s simple. Too simple, some will say. Yet, in all its simplicity, it is difficult to comprehend intellectually, and far more difficult to BECOME this secret every day. At first, as with any new idea, the automatic response is, “That’s nonsense.” As we begin to practice this secret we begin to hope it is so. l This is followed by an attitude of “Let’s see if it can be done.” Then it IS done. “Why wasn’t this done long ago?”

Here’s the key concept, developed in my own words:

There is only one God–one Energy Field, one Great Spirit, Allah, Power for Good, in all creation. This Power is Love and it delights in individualizing Itself in many forms. The most diverse, the better. We can use this Power: My ongoing thoughts and attitudes produce my environment.

All ancient wisdoms taught that God is All There Is, in different words. In every religion, God, or Love, expresses Truth. In all religions, philosophies–yes, even science–this One offers Himself/Herself/Itself in different ways. There is no separation between all the religions! There can be no separation between races, nations and neighborhoods, for Energy, or God, does not separate, cannot divide. God creates by uniting.

As I realize this more each day, I continue to expand my circle of love to include more and more people and ideas, no matter how weird or destructive. “He closed his circle to keep me out, but I expand my circle to bring him in,” is an old, true quote. We have an assignment, folks. We are here to create heaven on earth, wherever we are in our daily lives.

There is no separation. We are all made of “star stuff.” We are all One. Why not give unity consciousness a chance and get about our business?

Rev. Eleanor Richard is a minister of Religious Science & the Present Moment. She is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, a Lomi Bodywork practitioner, and a certified Natural Vision Instructor. She lives with her husband near Mt. Shasta, Ca., in love and joy for all life.

Have you ever had an experience where everything you wanted had come to you and THEN you discovered something that seemed to spoil the entire event?

That’s what happened to me last week when everything I asked for regarding the sale of my house was granted–only the sale did not go through.

I had been flying so high in the joy of selling my house to the perfect buyer, that I really ‘hit the wall’ at high speed, when the buyer failed to meet the closing deadline (even though we extended it a few days!).

“What went wrong?”

“Why didn’t I foresee that?”

“What happened with the Focus Wheel?”

“How could I have prevented this?”

I felt every type of emotion that we call “negative”–I felt, abandoned, betrayed, confused, hurt, angry–you name it and I felt it!

AND at the same time, I knew there was a lesson in this event.

First, I let my closest friends and supporters know what had happened and how it made me feel. They did not let me down! They continued to hold pure positive energy for me around the sale of my house. One person asked: “Do you think there is no one else who wants to buy your house?” (Well, I secretly thought that no one else would meet all the criteria I’d placed around my Focus Wheel.) Another friend counselled, “Keep showing the house to as many people as possible. It will sell again.” Others sent me messages of love and acceptance and expressed their conviction that the house would sell again.

A friend really spoke to me by sharing her own personal experience of having manifested the “perfect” situation, only to have it turn into the “event from hell”. She brought to light the important lesson: You didn’t do anything wrong. You will always experience Contrast so that you can find out what ELSE you want.

So, I added another spoke to my Focus Wheel: “The buyer of this house eagerly completes the deal on time.”

Then, I set my intention on FEELING GOOD AGAIN!

I found a place that sells packing boxes dirt cheap and bought some large sized boxes. I mowed the grass, trimmed the hedge and cleaned out the pond.

I took “gratitude walks” and gave thanks for my house, this city and all the wonderful people and events that have taken place here. I worked on projects that brought me great joy! I watched a couple of funny movies with my daughter!! Yes! I began to feel good again.

Within 24 hours the house had SOLD! again! And for more money!!

Now, as we complete the conditions of sale, I have a different attitude. I know that the house isn’t sold until the SOLD sign is in place. AND I know that if something “seems” to go wrong, it is simply an opportunity to learn something NEW about what I truly want.

CONTRAST is the Universe’s way of giving us MORE of what we truly want.

Do you have a secret dream, desire or hope?
Contact Rebecca, Toll Free at 866.472.1949 to learn how YOU can live your dream!

Please notify Rebecca if you wish to reproduce this article. Thanks!

Rebecca is leading a training course for Coaches, Therapists, Nurses and other Professionals who are ready to make a paradigm shift within themselves (a change from one way of thinking to another) to better serve their clients or patients.

youcanhaveitall.com youcanhaveitall.com

Invest in Relationships

Most of our deepest pain seems to come from relationships of one kind or another. Since we ‘invest’ most of our time and energy in relationships, we are most likely looking for a ‘good return’ on our investment and are upset when we don’t get it. Today, love is more a transaction. The head thinks, “However much I give, I should also get back!” It’s not surprising that divorce rates have soared over the past decade. As we are not getting the ‘yield’ we seek, in this age of instant gratification, we move on to another ‘investment’.

Spirituality is based on relationships and asks that we invest in our self and one other key relationship as its foundation, that is, with the Supreme, the Source. Once we begin to experience ‘profit’ in that relationship we are then able to share the ‘dividends’ with all those around us. In fact, since almost everyone is ‘spiritually bankrupt’, this is the only relationship on which I can ‘stake’ my spiritual and emotional wealth.

Spirituality is a deep realization that no man is an island and we have to live in a commune, community, in communication with others to survive and develop as a whole person and as a society. As much pain as there is in relationships there is also learning and tons of love to be harvested.

Only when I am grounded in spirituality and have started my own journey of knowing my self, which leads me to know the Supreme, can I truly reap pure love and, more importantly, bring forth that pure love into other relationships. My attention is no longer focused on the ‘transaction’ and ‘potential profits’ and I can begin to accept others as they are. In this context bartering may not be a bad idea - an exchange of a quality from a recognized place of worth.

It is crucial that we now invest in loving relationships with all our spiritual siblings. The secret is to give without expectation. Easier said than done, no doubt, but is there any other choice? If I am to live on and share this planet, let me continue to plant the seeds of love and compassion with my heart and not my head, knowing that whatever seeds I plant, I will get the return multimillion fold!

Om Shanti
(I am a peaceful soul)

Tel: 973-17-712 545, meditate@batelco.com.bh, bahrainmeditationcentre.org bahrainmeditationcentre.org

Aruna is an international management development trainer, a teacher of meditation and a freelance writer currently based in Bahrain. She is also the director of the Bahrain Meditation Centre, which is administered by Brahma Kumaris, London, an international organisation with over 6000 centers in over 85 countries ( bkwsu.org.uk bkwsu.org.uk) and she continues to coordinate various activities for them in the Middle East.

Aruna has spent the last 22 years focused on learning, living and teaching the art of self-development. As a lecturer and teacher of meditation she gained a wealth of experience working with the Brahma Kumaris, teaching meditation, values and ethics, positive thinking and creativity seminars.

Moving her base from London to Canada in the mid-90’s she turned her focus to the area of Conflict Resolution and began to arrange and conduct seminars on self-development subjects.

She brings together the three key strands of the new millennium –spirituality, management/leadership development, and continuous learning – in a unique blend of insight, wisdom and technique.

As a child growing up, whenever I was worried about something, my mother use to always say, “Girl, don’t worry about it. Just let go and let God.”

As a kid, I didn’t really understand what she meant. Let go and let God do what? Let God worry about it? Naw, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t trust that He would worry about it as much as I would. I knew He had tons of other people that he had to worry about too, so I figured He wouldn’t give my “worry” the amount of attention that it needed.

So, I continued to worry.

How could you just “let it go” as Mom suggested?

If it was something I had to worry about, I had to worry about it, right?

I mean, if I had a really important test, I had to worry about whether or not I was going to pass—especially since I didn’t spend enough time studying.

As I grew older, there were other things to worry about, but still, I felt I had to worry about them for myself because God wouldn’t give it the appropriate attention that I would—worrying.

I worried about whether or not that boy would really like me for who I am; I worried about whether I would have the money to hang out this weekend; I worried if I had enough to cover my car note if I bought those shoes that I simply HAD to have. I worried about whether or not I would be able to hold my tongue and not cuss my boss out when she started to get on my nerve; I worried about whether or not my hair would stay tight the entire day.

But no matter what I worried about I always would hear my mother, in the back of my mind, saying, “Don’t worry. Let go and let God.”

The other day I was on the phone with my mother and she was worried about not hearing from my brother. I have a brother that is sort of “out there” and he is the source of a lot of worrying for my parents.

But as she was telling me how she doesn’t understand why he won’t return her calls and why he doesn’t stop by to see her and how worried she is that he isn’t eating properly and worried that he might be in the streets, I heard her words come out of my mouth, back to her ears. “Mommy, don’t worry. Let go and let God.”

She laughed and said, “Yeah, you are right. There is no need to worry. I’m praying. I’m praying every day. As of right now, I’m turning it over to God. He’ll take care of him.”

Then it clicked.

There is never any reason to worry about anything. Worry does nothing but cause anxiety.

If there is a problem that you are worried about STOP worrying. Just say a little prayer and let go of the problem and let God work it out. Then, trust, with all your heart that God will solve the problem, or bring the answer to you, or make the situation go away.

Whatever you are worried about becomes bigger the more you worry about it.

From this moment on, make the conscious decision that you will not worry ever again. Just let go and let God. Trust and everything will turn out right.

Dawn Fields is a motivational speaker, author and life coach who teaches how to discover God’s purpose for your life and incorporate it into a lucrative career. Visit the web site at dawnfields.com dawnfields.com and be sure to sign up for Your Life’s Purpose newsletter by sending a blank email to mailto:yourlifespurpose-subscribe@topica.com yourlifespurpose-subscribe@topica.com
with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Tune in to her radio broadcast each Thursday at 9 p.m EST by visiting dawnfields.com/radioshow.htm dawnfields.com/radioshow.htm

Quite frankly this is the killer. This is the one thing that stops us in our tracks and is the barrier to achieving what we can naturally do. That is why the young people often achieve more than the ‘older’ folk. It’s because the older folk are so busy assessing whether they can or can’t do something. The youngsters just get on and do it. And if they fail the first few times, they will just carry on trying.

Just look at computer games as an example. The younger generation, the teens and early twenties folk will start on a computer game. It’s a new game, and they spend some time finding their feet, or with other words getting the feel of how this particular new game ‘thinks and reasons’. They all have a pattern of some sort. The older generation will take a shot at the game and within ten minutes decide that it’s not working for them, and give up. They give up even before they get the knack of it and get to the next level. Why is that?

I think it’s because the older one gets, the more the idea of failure gets to be a real no.no. We are not prepared to try the computer game because we know we are going to fail. There is absolutely no question. The whole point of computer games is that you are going to fail. Your character might die, you get stuck in the quest and can’t carry on, your progress is terminated or stymied. Whatever. It is a given that you will have a major set back in a computer game. In fact at the beginning while you are learning the ropes, you will have zillions of set backs.

So why are younger people able to cope with these set backs. Yet you as the older person are incapable of continuing with the game because it is too ‘disheartening’. The difference is that for the younger person, it’s a challenge to overcome those setbacks. For the older person it is a criticism of his/her ability that they cant’ do it.

The bottom line is that it is an attitude thing. It’s a way of perceiving the world. There is no inherent difference in the skills levels of a person at the age of 20 or one at the age of 40, playing a brand new computer game for the first time. The reflexes are more or less the same, the intelligence levels or being able to work out the game, are fairly similar. The only difference is the attitude. The younger person knows he can do it, the older person already kind of believes that the game is going to defeat him/her. Isn’t that terrible. The older we get the more we believe that something is going to defeat us.

That defeat could be a new relationships, a computer game, a new business venture, or a plain and easy thing such as making new friends. We never had those doubts when we were younger. Now as we get older we find that everything becomes a ‘I can’t do it’ thing. So what do I mean by the older folk. Well if you think you can’t do something, then you are old. If you think you can, you are young. No matter what your birth certificate says.

So drop that I can’t stuff. It makes you old. It makes you not enjoy life, it stops you from creating wealth. It stops you from winning the race, running a marathon for the first time, walking to the top of the hill, starting a new business, falling in love again. No matter what it is, put a big black line through the word I can’t. Make it I can. See how that will change your life. If it doesn’t, it means you haven’t actually put a line through those words. You just pretended you had. Go on, do it. You can.

Anja Merret lives in Brighton, UK. Her personal blog anjamerret.com anjamerret.com allows her to voice opinions on issues that interest her and observations she makes.

She has started a new blog pinkblocks.com pinkblocks.com that deals with observations on self development and personal power. Her recommendation for self help tools may be found on anjamerret.blogspot.com anjamerret.blogspot.com

Bobby was so proud of himself when he graduated from grade school—dressed in his suit—he looked handsome. Bobby was a good student and loved to write. He wanted to one day become a writer. He had dreams of being some body. That all changed the day our mother walked out on us. Bobby stayed with Dad but the rest of us went into foster care. Bobby stayed in school and graduated and then went into the Navy. He came to see me in my foster home dressed in his navy whites. He looked good. Having some medical problem, he was discharged early. Bobby went back to live with Dad again. Bobby found it difficult to deal with the separation of his family—he turned to drugs and alcohol. The painkilling effect of drugs and alcohol became a solution to the discomfort.

I went to visit Bobby a couple of times in my adult years. He lived in a shack that he had built for himself in the woods. He was either drinking or had been drinking when I would see him. He worked at the local fish factory or some other seasonal job, enough to just get by. He had no ambition to do anything anymore. While visiting him one time, a bird landed on his only window sill. The bird sat there and looked in not seeming to be afraid. Bobby talked to the bird and the bird seemed to be listening. He told me that he talked to the birds as they often visited him. Bobby said he had lots of friends in the woods. On another occasion that I visited him, he told me that at night he would see a pair of red eyes out by the edge of the woods looking at him. He said he did not believe it was a wolf though. He said it came closer each night. He talked to it and they became friends.

Bobby became friends with all those living things in the woods. I believe he knew that they would not turn on him or abandon him. Bobby lost his will after the family separation and dug himself deep in a hole and didn’t want to come back out. He had chosen drugs and alcohol as a solution to the unwanted problems.

Many years later, I got a call from a sister—she was on the way to the hospital to see Bobby. He was very sick and the doctor said he didn’t think he would live much longer. Bobby never went to the doctor very much, instead the use of drugs and alcohol helped kill the pain that he was feeling. My brother passed away that evening. He was only 53 years old. The family made the decision to have his body cremated. There was a ceremony for him but the ashes were saved until all the family could be there.

A year later, the family took Bobby’s ashes out beside a small Island in the ocean to lay him to rest. I lost my brother twice, once to drugs and alcohol and the second time when he died. Bobby was misunderstood by many people. He had a good heart and soul. He could not deal with the discomfort and unhappiness of loosing his family and every day life.

The cycle of drugs and alcohol addition begins with a problem, discomfort or some form of emotional or physical pain. Everyone has experienced this in life to a greater or lesser degree. There are other solutions to deal with problems without using alcohol or drugs—this only creates a new problem. Talk to friends, family, and if necessary, get professional help. Digging a hole with drugs and alcohol like my brother did, is not the answer.

The National Alcohol and Substance Abuse Information Call Center
1-800-784-6776

Center for Substance Abuse Treatment National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Services. 1-800-662-HELP

Living Night mares of Abuse by Phyllis Benton, when released it will be available at PublishAmerica, publishamerica.com/books/ publishamerica.com/books/ at a special pre-release discount price. Also available at any on line books, such as Amazon.com, B&N.com, using my ISBN number 1-4137-9156-5. For more information about my book or about the author, please visit my websites at pdbenton.org/ pdbenton.org/ or freewebs.com/dianesfantasy/ freewebs.com/dianesfantasy/