Self Improvement Information

“Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this sore knee / headache / back pain?”

We tend to ask ourselves these questions when we are in physical pain. We usually think of pain as unrelated to us,as if there’s nothing we can do about it except learn to live with it, and perhaps alleviate it with pain-killers.

Physical pain creates lots of mental stress: when we hurt, the pain and the suffering is all we think about. Pain fills our mind, and we stress out. And since we don’t know what to do about the pain, more and more pain management clinics open.

I’m going to risk being regarded as a weirdo, and make the following suggestion:

Look at pain in a different way. Treat it as a messenger who is here to tell you something, to give you a message. See pain as a teacher, as your body’s way of giving you information.

“Are you crazy?!”

Before you commit me to a mental hospital, let me tell you why I believe the above is true:

Physical pain is the result of emotional pain, and emotional pain is the result of a certain view we have of the world around us. Let me give you an example:

Two years ago, my foot suddenly started hurting so bad I couldn’t put my weight on it. It was nighttime, and my kids had to help me get to bed. The following morning I woke up and wanted to go to the bathroom, but I still couldn’t walk.

Since I know from my work as a kinesiologist that pain is merely a messenger with a message for me, I sat myself down and checked with myself what could have caused the pain.

I remembered that a few hours before my foot started hurting, I went to my Aikido lesson – a martial art I wrote about in my last article. During the lesson, the teacher worked with me, but I just couldn’t do the technique the way he thought I should.

So he stopped the lesson and started shouting in front of all the students that “some people just won’t understand what you show them and are incapable of doing even the simplest things”. I didn’t say anything, but I was definitely HURT.

I was hurt emotionally, and several hours later, I also hurt physically. I was in so much pain I couldn’t put my weight on my foot.

When I sat down in the morning and put two and two together, the physical pain and the emotional pain, I realized that in order to rid myself of the physical pain, I must do something about the emotional pain. And in order to rid myself of the emotional pain, I needed to see why I was hurt emotionally.

Why was I hurt when the teacher told everyone I wasn’t good enough in Aikido? Admittedly, I’m nowhere near as good as he is. I’ve been practicing for two years, while he’s been in this business for twenty or thirty years. I was doing my best, and that’s what counts.

I realized that he was angry out of frustration, and he was frustrated because he couldn’t explain what he wanted me to do. This frustration was his own business, and so was the anger that resulted from it.

HIS. Not mine.

True, he shouldn’t have yelled at me in front of everybody, but it was still because of his issues, not because I was at fault. In short, the whole event was about his issues, not mine.

What I had to do was realize this, and decide whether I wanted to keep taking his classes or not. Should I keep walking down this road, or look for another teacher?

So I realized that the anger and frustration were his, and decided to keep taking his classes. And you know what? A couple of hours later, I could walk.

I hadn’t taken any pain-killers. “All” I did was deal with why I was hurt emotionally, and I found a different perspective from which to look at the event, one that would allow me to feel all right about it. The pain disappeared as soon as the cause for it disappeared. It was there to tell me something, and when I had dealt with what it had come to tell me, it was no longer needed, so it simply went away.

When we regard pain not as an enemy, but as a friend or teacher who’s come to point our attention to some emotional issue, it stops being a cause for stress. Instead, we can thank it, and sit down to figure out what it’s come to tell us. What should we pay attention to? What do we need to change in our life?

I do this all the time, and my body “speaks” to me all the time. When my body has something to tell me, it signals in the only way it can – through pain. When something hurts, I understand that I need to see what’s going on, and when I do it, the pain leaves. So I say “thank you” – I thank the pain for pointing my attention to where it is needed.

When we adapt such a view of our pain, we can remove another stress factor from our life. But not only that – we can also transform pain from a stressful, non-understandable enemy into a loving teacher.

Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi are co-authors of “No Stress!
How to Save Tons of Money on Shrinks and Doctors - Just by
Reducing Stress!”, a web authority on stress management and
relief.
nostressebook.com nostressebook.com

Over the years, I have read numerous books and heard hundreds of speakers who claim to all have the secrets of success or to put it more specifically:

·what success is

·what success can be

·how to find success

·how to maintain success

·how to enjoy your success

·how to feel successful when you aren’t

·how to share your success

·and numerous similar concepts.

I would like to focus on what success isn’t not what it is and what gets in our way as we search after it.

Please keep in mind that success is defined differently by everyone. Each of us puts our own personal twist on what we feel represents success in our lives or careers. To one person success is money, to another it is good health. To many it is a pleasant lifestyle, and to others just getting through another day.

During my life, I have been at the bottom of the barrel several times and I have been to the mountaintop and viewed the world from a vantage point that very few people ever do. I have known the sting of failure and the thrill of achievement. But no matter what my outer circumstances were the one concept that helped me maintain a sense of inner peace, life balance and calm was my personal definition of success.

This definition became the watchword for my life during whatever was going on in my world whether positive or negative.

Success to me isn’t:

-having more money than you can ever spend.

-career accolades or fame.

-a position of influence or power.

-a promotion to a position in a career or organization that you hate.

-the freedom to do nothing.

-more education than you will ever use. (I am not referring her to personal growth.)

-a new car every year.

-a bigger house because you can afford it.

-more club memberships than I have time for.

None of us has the right to judge others by our standards or definition of success. During the past 35 years, I have been in front of over a quarter million people in twenty countries as a professional speaker, and I can tell you that in each of those audiences there were people who were more and less successful than I am. Ah ha….according to what or whose standards? You see, as soon as I make the previous statement, I am assuming that your definition of success is the same as mine. Success to me means: living the way you want to live your life without infringing on the rights of others and the ability to support that lifestyle based on your own talent, time, energy and ability. It doesn’t mean that if you inherit a million bucks and live the life of leisure - you are successful. (Just lucky - maybe and maybe not!)

What is success to you these days? Has your definition changed at all during the past few months? Years? After you hit forty? Sixty?

Getting in touch with what success isn’t for you is one of the best ways to help you define what success is for you. Try it?

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, That’s Life, Peace Of Mind, 91 Challenges Managers Face Today and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at mailto:tim@timconnor.com tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at timconnor.com timconnor.com

May our Father daily increase our wisdom, love, gratitude, reverence, healing, peace, joy, happiness, laughter and prosperity. In just about 15 seconds I declared my love for you by asking these blessings for you. If you are one who does not know the One as Father, I wish you double portions of blessing.

Deepak Chopra tells us in the Second Spiritual Law of Success, the Law of Giving, that we should never visit anyone without bringing a gift; a card with a sentiment, a flower, a silent prayer or blessing. In fact, he says, a silent prayer or blessing is the best gift of all. He says we should make it a point to bless everyone we meet, every day. He suggested a brief blessing like: I wish you peace, joy and happiness. I thought that covered a lot but I asked what blessings I would like to receive and my list grew to seven things. In a few weeks it grew to nine. In a few more it grew to ten, where I thought it enough.

I began with wisdom because I remembered a proverb that said wisdom was the principle thing. With all my getting, get me wisdom. That pretty much defines my quest for this life. Wisdom teaches the value of love and love springs forth from wisdom. To have some of each brings gratitude for the gifts and reverence for all who provide them. This attitude facilitates healing for self and others. As we become whole, we find peace. In peace we find joy, in Joy we find happiness and contentment. In happiness we find laughter. In the growth these blessings generate, we find a natural prosperity unmeasured by material wealth. If I want these things for me, so do I truly want them for you and for presidents, all their counsel, dictators and evil doers. Who on this earth has no need of blessing?

As I began to apply this wisdom, I was blessed in very unexpected ways. Yet I had much difficulty in remembering to bless everyone I met every day. It occurred to me that I could incorporate this blessing as a blanket blessing for the world during morning and evening spiritual practice. Everyone is blessed, even when I forget to bless an individual I meet. I still try to remember personal blessing and grow better at it with time.

I had nominal religious training in a Protestant denomination between the ages of ten and sixteen. I loved the ritual and not much else. I left the church and the religious family to have all day Sunday for myself. I needed one day each week with nobody telling me what to do, for most of it. About fifteen years later, fatherhood had me asking questions about the meaning of life and I began finding answers wherever I looked, especially in the Scriptures. I became a fascinated Bible student. I would soon learn that every answer raised more questions and I would never know it all.

I did a study on what is commonly called the Lord’s Prayer, a prayer that already had a history in America and its schools. In 1962, when the Supreme Court declared that God had no business in government schools, I could see how the atheist’s children could be made uncomfortable by this group activity. I did not protest the loss of this daily ritual, or keeping the Pledge of Allegiance ritual, since I was clearly pledging allegiance to the ones who operated the school that was preparing me for a godless life.

Less than two years from the court decision, President Kennedy was assassinated. Less than two years after that, we were going off to Vietnam. Before that war was over we were fighting a war on poverty. Before that war was over we were fighting a war on drugs. I sensed a connection and my study of the prayer confirmed it.

Incidental to my study of this prayer, I learned it was a fitting prayer for those who see theirselves in a paternal relationship to the Supreme Power. Therefore, it could be prayed by Christians, Jews and Muslims. It is a prayer given to students by a master, recognized by all three faiths, upon the request of one student who thought it good to know just how to pray.

It is important to note the master did not respond saying, recite this prayer. He said to pray in this manner and then gave the form which prayer should take. We are free to modify its content to our liking and it is a matter of respect to frame our content in the proper form, as with a business letter. The form is the thing of greatest importance to us and the content as given is secondary, but still important.

The very first word, “Our”, is plural possessive - a claim of possession. I am not praying for me. I am praying for us. Who we are depends on my worldview. We might be family, we might be the other people praying with us. We might be the nation in which most of the children prayed for us, five days a week. We might be all the Christians of the world. We might be all the people of the world. We might be every living thing in this world. It is clearly a personal choice to define we/our or child of God.

“Father”, the next word, puts to rest all arguments about the name of God. The master shows it is our relationship that matters and the proper address expresses this relationship. “Who is in heaven” distinguishes from a living biological father, but not one who has passed over. “Sacred is your name” does distinguish from any biological father and explains the ancient Hebrew custom of not publicly pronouncing a name. A sacred thing made common is no longer sacred, as in common sense. Name in Scripture also symbolizes authority. For example; Israel means rules with God. This is why Abram’s name was changed and Jacob’s. We are acknowledging this Father’s authority in declaring the sacredness of it.

“Your kingdom comes” points to a future event every generation of believers longs for, and it is our hope. Some of us know this kingdom is both at hand and within us. We know it is one of justice, tempered by mercy, without cruelty.

“Your will is done”. It doesn’t seem so to many of us and many are critical of this will and its possessor. Never-the-less, form demands this identification in our address. “On earth as in heaven” or even in the heavens, if you prefer. This completes the opening address or identification of the One we wish to hear our prayer. It is the attention getter. What is the point in writing a letter and sending it to the wrong address? Should we then expect any good result?

I realized this prayer works equally well as a daily request or a thanksgiving. I prefer it as a thanksgiving, morning and evening. I will treat it as a thanksgiving here: “We thank you for this day and our daily bread”. Even without bread, another day is a wonderful thing to be thankful about. Our daily bread can extend far beyond our food to all our material needs. It is worth noting it is the first thing we ask for or give thanks for because air, water and food are critical to our life.

“And forgiving our offences as we forgive those who offend us”. Forgiveness is conditional. We can expect it in the way we practice it. The blessing I began with implies forgiveness in the act of blessing all. I can bless those I despise and I can just as easily forgive them if I so choose, and receive it myself, as needed. Forgiveness brings peace in a way nothing else does. Is there little peace in your world? Then there is little forgiveness in your world.

“Lead us not into testing, (for this we do ourselves) but deliver us from trouble”. Many confuse the word evil with the idea of wicked. Wicked is always trouble but trouble is not necessarily wicked and in other Scripture, Father claims to create evil. We could say the flood was evil but it was not especially scheming and calculated trouble for someone’s personal gain, which we know as wicked.

In Scripture the formal close comes next and I decided this was the point at which I would personalize this simple prayer, I had recited so often as a boy. “Thank you for helping us become instruments of your peace; blessing those we bless and those who bless us”. This is an acknowledgement that my blessing may help no one at all, except it is backed by superior power. I paraphrased a small part of the Prayer of Saint Francis because he was praying for himself and I am still praying for us.

“Thank you for daily increasing our wisdom, love, gratitude, reverence, healing, peace, joy, happiness, laughter and prosperity, especially the leaders and authorities of this world, a world transforming from one of fear to one of love.” This is the gratitude I have for the increased power, as I see it, behind my personal blessing. I see it as a power multiplier. You might see it differently.

“Thank you for granting us wealth, prosperity and abundance, that our light so shines before others, they will see our good works and glorify you.” Although this repeats the last blessing, it is the very thing secular society teaches us to want and is worth repeating. It also reminds us there is one proper purpose for wealth and to pervert this purpose is asking for trouble. Just ask a few lottery winners.

“For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever. Amen.” The close, in proper form, is confirming the addressee and the equivalent of our Respectfully Yours, on a business letter. I never fully understood why the Roman Catholic Church rejected this close, except some Pope decided it was understood and unnecessary. I will always feel it is an important part of form and properly closes the prayer.

When American children discontinued this prayer in school, one disaster followed another; not that we were free from them in earlier years. I think it is safe to say that some families may have recited the prayer before breakfast each day, but the majority did not and this precipitated much negative change in America and the rest of the world. I did not continue with it on my “own time” once it stopped in school. This was about the same time I left the church and became agnostic, suspicious and resentful of all assumed authority.

My point is that if a great good to the whole world could come from millions upon millions of Christians, Jews and Muslims, asking for and receiving these wonderful, magical blessings, through a few minutes of daily prayer and blessing, why don’t we all do it? A unity opportunity. I can think of two reasons. We don’t believe it makes a difference and we don’t care if it does.

In Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich”, he devotes at least a chapter to mastermind alliance. He says there is great power in many people working in common cause. An Aquarian idea for sure. I believe it. What if the purpose of each and every one of us is only to bless the earth, in word and deed? What might be the effect of each of us fulfilling this purpose every day of our lives? It costs us so little to test the idea and the result could just prove we can do something right after all. Surely the deeds will follow the words. Who can bless and remain fearful?

Ed Howes sought and found, knocked and entered. Now he sees things differently. To see more of what he sees, please visit justanotherview.com justanotherview.com or do an author search here at Ezine Articles.

Metamorphosis – It’s a loaded word.

When we hear the word “Metamorphosis” naturally we think about a caterpillar’s change to butterfly. A caterpillar’s sole purpose is to liberate itself and experience the world from a aerial perspective. This metaphor is what every potentially self-actualized person strives to be: an independent, self–governing entity of growth and possibility.

Looked at in pieces, Meta is defined by The American Heritage® Stedman’s Medical Dictionary Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995, as a “higher state of development.” Originating from the Greek language, the word (morph ) means “form, shape”. The suffix, osis, simply indicates a condition or process. Doesn’t mean much separately, does it? Put together, this wonderful word transforms itself: Metamorphosis is “A marked change in appearance, character, condition, or function. Also called transformation.”

It also means the big daunting “C” Word; Change.

One thing certain about Change is; without it we cannot grow. As humans, we are as capable as the caterpillar to nurture, grow and transform ourselves into a higher level of functioning but for some reason, the very idea of change trips us up. The reason: we become comfortable in what is, rather than what can be. Gaining an understanding of Change can help.

Change is what determines whether things will turn out for better or worse in the long run. Change is a verb. It is constant. It can be unpredictable and impatient. Change can be wonderful, liberating, paralyzing and completely out of our control. Change is a cliff-hanger which leaves us unglued, guessing what direction our life will be thrust in. Change is power.

Initiating even the smallest change in our lives begins with a choice, not a decision. There is a vast difference between the two. A decision is a process, it is from the mind. You only need to type the word ‘decision’ into Google™ to see thousands of suggested over-thought progressions to decision-making. A choice however, is from the heart. It is a superior distinction which comes from innately knowing what is in our best interest. It’s what we know to be right.

Granted, there is the possibility of making bad choices but how would one know without taking the plunge? Below are some interesting points that may help provide further insight into what Change is and what is needed to accept it:

• Death and Change are Synonymous: In the metaphysical world of Tarot Card readings, death and change are synonymous. In my investigation of Tarot card meanings I discovered an online source article written by a Tarot expert called Michelle. She explains that “the death card, card number 13 of the Major Arcana, represents change. It is about transformation, renewal, breaking free of old patterns and structures, metamorphosis, letting go and growth. Most decks illustrate this card with a skeleton, riding on a horse looking like the grim reaper. When you get this card in a reading, it means that you are about to experience a change of some sort. It is time to move on, to let go of the past and start fresh. This is not a card of sudden, cataclysmic change; it is a slower, more gradual and natural change. Change is often frightening to us, but it is a necessary and natural part of life. This card, the Death card is a positive card. I think of it as a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, or the cycles of the seasons; each has its own time and its own purpose and beauty.”

• Acceptance and Loss: A by-product of change means experiencing a loss. Similar to death, change is about ending one thing and beginning another, and part of that process is relinquishing what once was to accept what now is. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the Author of On Death and Dying brought to light the acceptance and inevitability of change through her five stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. After countless interviews with individuals who were in the process of dying she sums it up like this: “Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.“

• Fear and Resistance: Resisting change is not natural, it’s intentional. Most of us get stuck in our own cocoon never wanting to burst out due to fear. In an excerpt from his new book entitled “Get What you Want” Author, Human Behavior Expert and Life Coach, Patrick Wanis sums up fear like this:

“Fear is the greatest killer of all human potential. Fear is what stops us from getting what we want. Fear stands between us and everything we want out of life.”

Fear, though does not exist.

Read that sentence again.

You might be shocked even annoyed by that statement because fear does feel real. Its physical crippling effect on our body, mind and emotions is real. But fear is not something tangible. We cannot hold it, see it or touch it. Fear is simply a thought, a very powerful thought. “Fear is the anticipation of pain, and our mind responds quickly to the alarm bell that pain is imminent or possible.”

• Courage conquers Fear: Courage lies dormant in all of us like a caterpillar in its cocoon. Remember, the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz who found his courage? Silly lion, didn’t it occur to him that he was displaying courage all along by actually choosing to seek it? A small and simple way to empower ourselves and incorporate courage into our everyday lives is by doing something we fear everyday. Challenging ourselves in this small way is liberating and enables us to burst out of our own oppressions. Therefore, with every minute decision that is second-guessed, ask yourself: Am I not doing so-and-so because I’m fearful? If the reply is yes, attempt it despite your fear and you might make a change for the better.

• Let it Go: When your choice is to move on, it is necessary to let go. By releasing yourself of a bad relationship, a past hurt or whatever, Let it go. This must be done in order to initiate change in your life. What are some things we resist letting go of? In an excerpt from a Public Service website written by James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., is a checklist of things worth releasing in order to openly accept change in our lives:

Letting Go of Guilt: Decreasing the impact of guilt as a motivator for your behavior.

Letting Go of Grief: Accepting the changes resulting from a loss.

Letting Go of Dependency: Accepting personal responsibility for your life and releasing others from their sense of responsibility to you and for you.

Letting Go of Over-Responsibility: Handing the responsibility to others for their lives and encouraging them to accept the consequences of their actions.

Letting Go of Resistance to Change: Facing the changes in your life that are the inevitable result of your being a member of the human race.

Letting Go of Fear: Desensitizing yourself to real or imagined stimuli that induce fear in your life.

Letting Go of Anger: Being able to express negative feelings in a healthy way with both your rights and the rights of others being respected and protected.

Letting Go of Denial: Facing life’s realities with an open, straightforward approach and accepting the natural consequences of change in your life.

That darn caterpillar makes it look so easy. While the caterpillar seems to go through its change effortlessly and only once in its lifetime, we are the lucky ones. We possess the power to continually make choices and flourish and transform ourselves.

It is important to master the concept that in order to grow we need to change. In order to change we need to make a choice. In order to make a choice we need to let go of fear and in order to let go of fear we need courage.

Although riding the winds of change may at times yield a few growing pains, overall it’s worth the risk. When we choose to embrace change we unburden ourselves of guilt, fear, over-responsibility, dependency and denial and we open the door of possibilities and opportunities. Opening these doors allows us to rise above our own fears and apprehension and view the world from an aerial perspective. Then we too can experience the emancipation of the butterfly.

Nancy S. Mure is the bestselling Author of The Caterpillar that Wouldn’t Change, a story about never giving up. She also written Massimo’s Meatballs and has 3 new releases in 2006.
nancysmure.com nancysmure.com

Part 1
“We have become burdened with the idea that everything must be special, or exceptional, or the very best for our children…Indeed, we do our children a disservice by trying to make life extraordinary instead of ordinary. ‘Inherited potential will be realized when the environmental provision is adequate. Adequate, not exceptional. In order to flourish, children don’t need the best of everything. Instead they simply need what is good enough. Consider that ‘good enough’ can often be best for children, because when life is a bit mundane, they won’t end up with expectations of themselves and those around them that can’t be met on this earthly plane.’” –Kelly Scribner, head of my daughter’s school, quoting Wendy Mogel from the fall issue of “Independent School.”

Part 2
“Being ordinary and being nobody aren’t the same thing.” My literary agent said this once as we were discussing a project.

Part 3
My friend Mary is writing about a woman whose husband has passed away and her daughters are trying to get her busy, “You need to to do things, Mom.” But she doesn’t understand. Can’t they see how busy she is? Someone has to watch the apples bud on the old tree. Someone has to notice the peach colored light as it travels across the oak floor. Someone has to walk outside in the early morning dew and taste one blueberry to see if the moment of precise firm sweetness has arrived.

Part 4
“I have often maintained that the best poet is he who prepares our daily bread: the nearest baker who does not imagine himself to be a god. He does his majestic and unpretentious work of kneading the dough, consigning it to the oven, baking it in golden colours and handing us our daily bread as a duty of fellowship. And, if the poet succeeds in achieving this simple consciousness, this too will be transformed into an element in an immense activity, in a simple or complicated structure which constitutes the building of a community, the changing of the conditions which surround mankind, the handing over of mankind’s products: bread, truth, wine, dreams. If the poet joins this never-completed struggle to extend to the hands of each and all his part of his undertaking, his effort and his tenderness to the daily work of all people, then the poet must take part, the poet will take part, in the sweat, in the bread, in the wine, in the whole dream of humanity. Only in this indispensable way of being ordinary people shall we give back to poetry the mighty breadth which has been pared away from it little by little in every epoch, just as we ourselves have been whittled down in every epoch.” –Pablo Neruda, from his Nobel Literature acceptance speech.

Part 5
A New Yorker cartoon: Two men are standing in a bookstore. One stands in front of a section called “Self-Improvement,” while the other browses “Self-Involvement.”

Part 6
Here is what I know: If you want to write the poem that sears itself on my heart or open a bakery that makes my tongue sprout wings of compassion or give birth to a movement that reforms our jaded souls, and you do these things to prove you are special, no matter what you accomplish, it will never be enough. It will fall through your fingers like air, even as it nourishes the rest of us.

If you want to write the book or open the bakery or birth a movement because you want to make a contribution, because you are drawn, through your natural passions (NOT through an over-developed martyrdom complex) to make a contribution, your hands will be brimming with the beat of life from the beginning and you will be nourished, and by being thus nourished, you will be a light in the world.

Part 7
To be ordinary is to be available for love.

Jennifer Louden is a best-selling author of five books, including her classic, The Woman’s Comfort Book, and her newest, Comfort Secrets for Busy Women. She’s also a creativity and life coach, creator of the Inner Organizer, and a columnist for Body Soul Magazine. She leads retreats on self-care and creativity around the country. Hear her live on Martha Stewart Living Radio, Sirius Channel 112 every Sunday at 8 am Pacific, 11 am Eastern. Visit her world at: comfortqueen.com comfortqueen.com and jenniferlouden.com jenniferlouden.com.

We live in a world of relationships in which we are always asking for things and giving things, more of one and less of the other depending on who the ‘other’ is in our life. With some it is very easy to be generous, tolerant, and forgiving – to create leeway in our hearts for them to make mistakes or to do things that we would rather not have them do. We find a space within ourselves in which we can accept them as they are. With others, their trespassing across a line of behavior, word, or thought – a line that we have drawn inwardly and often outwardly – causes a prickliness in us and a feeling of being easily wounded - a feeling of finding certain behaviors intolerable or of needing to run away because we feel disappointed or hurt. Then, in our hearts and often outwardly, we ask that they be different so that we know how to be with them and so that our relationship can continue without so much difficulty.

There is a lot of pain in wanting others to be different. There is the pain of feeling dependent upon someone who is not dependable. There is the pain of feeling helpless to create the change that we desire. And most of all, there is the pain of feeling locked-in to our own responses so that we cannot react differently. For if we could react differently, then the behavior of another would not be a source of concern to us.

This mix of different kinds of distress can be acute or it can be longstanding, sometimes lasting for years or even for a lifetime. There is often a yearning to be free of the entire situation and an inability to know how. In the corner of our awareness we know that more love and tolerance is needed, but have difficulty finding these, despite our knowledge.

There is a bridge that it is possible to build that opens up greater love – a bridge built out of a truth we can recognize that enables us to be free. It is a bridge of compassion that is composed of two things: on the one side, the recognition that the ‘other’ is doing the best that they can, all of the time, given the limitations that they face within themselves. These limitations are part of their inheritance – part of the burden that they carry through life, and they can only be put down when they are ready to be put down. Recognition that another is doing the best that they can defines one aspect of the bridge to greater love.

The other side of this bridge is defined by knowledge concerning ourselves. In a deep way, it involves knowing that we are alright and can feel whole no matter what anyone else says or does. This knowledge of our capacity for wholeness and the feeling that our life is not dependent upon anyone else’s unique response, cannot be simply a thought that we tell ourselves. It must be an experience of inner integrity which allows us to absorb the limitation of the world and of others, without having to have the world change for our benefit. Such an experience of inner wholeness and love is the goal of a spiritual life. We already have this knowledge within us, for the wholeness that we seek is already there. It is a matter of finding it again. The finding of it allows us to recognize a choice that we have, and we make it all of the time: to recognize that unconsciousness is part of the way of the world at this time and we can react to it with disappointment or disapproval, or, we can focus on our own inner path to the things we seek, so that we become an agent of healing for the world, rather than a disappointed lover.

To let go of having to have another change is no small thing. It is huge in its implications. It is even revolutionary, for it can change our entire life. Yet, it is built on a capacity for greater love that we must seek within ourselves in order to find it. Such seeking opens up the way to a life in which the source of love can increasingly be felt within us, and the wellspring of disappointment can dry up.

The letting go of the sense of needing another to be different for us may not disappear in a moment, a day, a week, a year, or even longer - and yet it can. It can disappear in an instant because it involves a simple shift in perspectives, a shift into a perspective of knowing that no matter what anyone else says or does, that we remain whole and ourselves, with the capacity to let go of the clinging that has made life painful. This clinging, which we would so much rather do without, may ultimately be the agent which produces great benefits for us if we become aware of it in a deeper way. For it can lead us to the path of becoming responsible for our own inner growth, and it can lead us to the recognition that we become free by letting others be free to be themselves as well. In this way, we gently move toward an inner capacity to live a life that is wholly based in love, not because of what others give to us or do not give, but because of what we feel capable of giving to the world.

For additional writings by Julie Redstone see lightomega.org/PathwaysofLight.html Pathways of Light. Also, the Sacred Relationships section of lightomega.org lightomega.org.

“Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on
Saturday night instead of one a day just isn’t going to get
the job done.” Jim Rohn

I have never seen anybody go from 3rd grade straight to college, or someone getting married on the first date, or simply winning a marathon without running.

You have to take it one step at a time. Don’t expect immediate results, don’t expect miracles, don’t expect to succeed without working at it. For example;

I remember when I join the United States Marines, the very first thing was to look for a recruiting station, sign up, once accepted, go to boot camp, go to infantry training, go to school to learn your specialty, then you go to your duty station, and then you really learn how to be a Marine.

I didn’t go from the recruiting station straight to war right?

You have to take it slow, one foot in front of the other.

I used this example, because it was a huge achievement for me, I wanted to be a Marine, but I knew that it wasn’t going to happen overnight. I had to go through a process of change and learn one step at a time how to become one.

Whatever you want to do in your life, the same principle applies to that.

You have to take it one step at a time, go through a process of change, and learn what you need to learn to become an expert in your field.

I want the BEST for you, and only the BEST!!

For Your Success,

Jorge Fernandez de Cordova
Success Coach
successismylife.com www.successismylife.com

Jorge’s Mission is to give those that truly desire it; the tools and the knowledge to get the most out of life helping you achieve your goals and dreams.

Addictions are most commonly associated with drug and alcohol addiction. The truth is millions of people suffer from all kinds of addictions. Common addictions are to alcohol, controlled substances and prescription medicines. Additions you might not think are addictions are related to compulsive behaviors like gambling, shopping, food, the internet.

An addiction of any type is readily recognized by the fact that “it is not a matter of choice.” Individuals who are addicts do not have the ability to “decide” to stop abusing, for example, alcohol or a certain drug, or even the behaviors of gambling or shopping. Addictions affect the user, their family and friends.

What is an addiction? How does an addiction begin? When does the pattern of behavior become an addiction? Some individuals may be able to use a substance or engage in a behavior periodically over a period of years without becoming “addicted.” Other individuals are not capable of stopping and do become addicted.

Are addictions only in certain social, educational or ethnic groups? Absolutely not! There is no such thing as a typical addict.

The causes of addiction have been studied for several years. Addiction is caused by the emotion the substance or behavior brings about in the user. The body and mind become dependent on that feeling and seeks to maintain it.

There are addiction risk factors that make some people more likely than others to become addicts. Studies show that sometimes addictions can be hereditary. The child of an alcoholic may not grow up to be an alcoholic; however, they may become addicted to gambling or some other type of compulsive behavior as an adult.

Besides hereditary, individuals who grow up in families with abuse, neglect and who are impoverished are more likely to become addicts.

For most addicts, it can be extremely difficult to recognize that what they have associated as simply a habit is actually an addiction. While every individual is different there are some symptoms that are prevalent among most addicts and addictions:

Symptom # 1

Unable to meet responsibilities at home, school or office.

Symptom # 2

Continues to use substances or engage in behavior even when it is dangerous.

Symptom # 3

The need increases to engage in behavior or use more of a substance to achieve the same effect or feeling.

Symptom # 4

Has tried but failed to stop using the substance or end the behavior.

Symptom # 5

Continues to engage in the behavior or use the substances even when they are aware of the dangers.

Answering yes to three or more of the above symptoms during a 12 month period may show that you or a loved one has an addiction. The first step to treating an addiction is recognizing that it exists.

There is no cure for an addiction. Treatment and counseling can help an addict to learn how to control their behavior, withstand impulses and recognize the presence of a problem, but an addict is never cured. Treating an addiction can take years and requires ongoing support from friends, families and support groups.

A 12 step program can be particularly beneficial in treating an addiction. One of the most well known 12 step programs is AA, also known as Alcoholics Anonymous. There are similar programs for all types of addictions.

Living with an addiction requires a daily commitment and there is always the possibility of relapsing. An addict that has been “clean” for even 20 years can succumb to temptation just as they did decades before.

There are several treatment programs and centers that can help with the numerous types of addictions that are prevalent today. Many of them are anonymous. Support groups are also available to help family and friends who experience the effects of an addiction in a loved one.

The information contained in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended to medically diagnose, treat or cure any disease. Always consult a health care practitioner before beginning any health care program.

This article is FREE to publish with the resource box.

Author: Connie Limon. Please visit us at: selfimprovementbook1.com selfimprovementbook1.com We are a self improvement article and resource directory. We welcome your self improvement articles.

Daily motivation, why is that important? Consider this, what is the likelihood that you will even attempt any goal without some sort of motivation? Lack of motivation has stopped more people from achieving their personal greatness than anything else.

Daily Motivation keeps you focused. Motivation produces hope. Motivation provides a surge of energy that will propel you to take action. While others “talk about” what they will do, you will act. Motivation must be a natural part of your everyday life. No one is ‘naturally’ motivated all the time. “Life” still happens to all of us and brings us down. Even those who motivate others sometimes need motivation themselves.

The easiest way I know of to maintain a daily surge of motivation is to borrow some ideas and techniques from others. I personally borrow the ideas and techniques from Les Brown, T. Harv Eker, Mark Victor Hansen, Jack Canfield, Zig Ziglar, Steve Scott, Gary Coxe, Anthony Robbins, Earl Nightingale, and a host of others.

I regularly inundate my mind with positive messages from the all of the above teachers and more. I have found that watching the drama of television is pointless. I have found that the people who are truly living at the level I’m striving for watch very little television. Truly successful people focus on self development.

I heard a quote from Les Brown that has changed my life forever. Les said, “You must trade in who you’ve been for who you must become.” What a profound statement. When you personally make a decision to trade who you’ve been for whom you must become, the process may be difficult to initiate. It may include doing things that seem to be uncomfortable: changing certain habits, changing certain friends, changing your financial spending habits. Whatever it takes for you to live a natural state of motivation, make a commitment and do it.

Also realize that you are not in this alone. The above authors and speakers share personal experiences that may be just the thing to help you dig yourself out of that pit and focus like never before. Daily motivation means not having to attend a seminar every week to keep yourself pumped. It may take some time for you to totally perfect this, but don’t stop trying. As I close I want to leave another quote from another hero of mine. Jack Canfield said, “You deserve to have your life exactly the way you want it.” I believe that statement with everything in me. When you start to believe that, you will find that staying motivated to achieve your goals will never be a challenge again.

As you pursue your goals, learn from the lessons and examples of others. Develop an attitude that you deserve to have your life exactly the way you want it and soon you will find yourself living that life. I have confidence in you that you can life in a constant state of daily motivation.

Demond is the owner of

We live in a society of speed. Everything is in a “now” mentality. We get dinner from a drive through, we e-mail instead of phoning, we do everything we can to get more done in the same amount of time. The result is not that we are accomplishing any more, or doing anything any better: We simply do it faster. Why are we so consumed with achieving more? Why must we set our standards at this level? In my opinion, we need to achieve so much more because we are not achieving anything of substance that gives us any kind of gratification. We have no sense of success. We, as individuals are failing ourselves.

Success is such a trivial word. To one person it means that they have climbed Mt. Everest, or run the Boston Marathon. To another it means they are a mother, and to yet another it may mean that they finally got the promotion they wanted. If you look at the people around you that are truly happy, you will find something they all have in common. In their own minds, they have achieved a certain level of success. They have defeated the odds and won. People that cannot find satisfaction in their lives have usually failed to acknowledge any of their triumphs. They have failed to see what great they have done. It is difficult sometimes for people to understand that what matters for greatness is within you, not what other people perceive you as. Here is an example:

I personally was running a start up advertising company. I was flying all over the country, meeting great people, and making great money. My name was known in the payroll industry (our clients) and I was very highly thought of. To most everyone I had it all. I was on top of the world. To me, I was lonely and unhappy. My kids were suffering because of my career, and my love life was non-existent. That was until I met Bill, who I ended up marrying. My family doubled in size (he had two kids also) and my career path took a very sharp turn. I went from the advertising community to running a hypnosis business with my husband. Money is tight, and traveling is not really an option right now, but I have never been happier. This is the definition of success to me; Creating a life that works for you instead of working to create a life.

Take stock in what matters most to you. Look around and decide what you can do that would make you feel like you have done something that mattered. Decide what would make you happy to achieve and then do it. Don’t set your standards where your friends and family think you should be, set them where YOU think you should be.

Nikki gladwell, Hypnotist
bill-nikki.com bill-nikki.com

Nikki is an accomplished sales and marketing strategist, life coach, and hypnotist with over fourteen years of experience. Her primary focus is on developing and maximizing communication skills to help you become an effective leader in your field, your community, and your family.