Self Improvement Information

One of my favorite quotes comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson and reads:
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”

Exactly a year ago this month I had that quote in mind and decided it I was ready to move toward some major changes in my life. As a creative person, I live for self-expression and my medium is the written word. However, the scope of my vision for transitioning from J-O-B holder to professional scribe is BIG – too big to shoulder alone. That is a lot for a woman from a working class background with no close examples of visionaries in my life to carry alone. I grew up among those who had talents, abilities and dreams but relegated their entrepreneurial spirits to the realms of foolishness. Dreams and visions, bent by the demands of bills and folded into the landlord’s wallet, were reformed into fantasies - daydreams for mental respites at mid-morning snack and 2 pm energy deficits.

I came to a point, as I move toward my 4th decade on the planet, where I’d become weary of chasing after what was passing for life. Deep in silent repose, reclining in the back of my mind were dreams deferred. Those dreams are real things. They reside in the very grooves of your brain and dance between the beats of your heart. For the most part, I ignored them but sometimes I’d find while sitting in my cube, the computer screen would start to float and tears would streak down my cheeks. Some part of me was thinking about my deferred dreams even if my mind was not engaged.

I realized, if intended to take Emerson’s advice and “leave a trail”, I would need to shake off doing things the way I’ve always done them. I am not obligated to do what I’ve always done. Once I made the decision that I have a say in the matter of my life, providence showed up. No matter what one’s back ground, mental or emotional inheritance, there is always a CHOICE. With that choice, I knew I would need assistance in making the necessary adjustments to set the stage.

I felt it would be best to have an unbiased voice to provide guidance. I did not want the unavoidable judgment that comes with turning to a relative or a close friend. It’s common knowledge that those closest to you, mostly with good intentions, might hinder your progress with their preconceived ideas. And you know what they say the road to hell is paved with….

I’d heard of life coaches and did a little research online to get a clearer idea of what they do. It didn’t take long to find the person I needed. Once your mind is made up destiny awakes! I reviewed coaching websites educated myself. Most coaches focus on people in particular careers and life situations. It’s useful to take a handful of coaches up on their complimentary consultations. I was selective about who I decided to contact.

I conversed with a few people but I was most attracted to the person who is now my life & creativity coach. She is a great fit for me because she specialized in working with the artistically inclined and the late bloomer – or as she calls us, “tortoises”. Those two features hit directly upon what want to work on. I was happy and after speaking with her I knew she was the right one for me and my objectives.

Thanks to the support of my coach, I feel I have made more personal strides over the course of this year than I would have made alone. Having a sounding board and having an unbiased ear to whom I can be accountable has added value to my life. That value has come in the form of greater confidence and clarity of purpose. In the act of enlisting the aid of a coach, I broke a strangling lifelong habit – not asking for help when I KNOW I need it.

Like me, maybe you also are accustomed to handling things yourself. Maybe you’ve not had anyone else you could count on. A coach is not a therapist or a counselor. He isn’t there to slap your hand but to remind you what your hands can do. The coach isn’t there to chastise you but to encourage you. The coach isn’t there to tell you what to do, but to help you determine a course of action. You can lean on your coach but a good coach won’t allow you to lay on them!

The coach is there to accomplish things WITH you not do them for you. He/she will celebrate your victories with you. I have this knowledge through my experience. Personal responsibility is stressed. If you aren’t ready for that, you aren’t yet ready for coaching.

I thank God I had the courage to take this step toward my future. I thank Him most that I have someone to give me that needed push when courage fails. So in all this, I feel I am on the path to making Emerson’s quote a reality in my life. By working with someone who helps me honor my uniqueness, I find more reasons every day to revel in it.

Mr. Emerson, just call me a trailblazer!

Idella Woods Neidert is a virtual assistant and owner of YOURVIRTUALHANDS, an administrative solutions practice dedicated to improving the lives of authors, coaches, solo professionals, entrepreneurs and other small business owners by freeing them to focus more intently upon the main purposes of their businesses. Her service can be found at yourvirtualhands.com yourvirtualhands.com. Idella can be reached at 602-748-4675 or at mailto:idella@yourvirtualhands.com idella@yourvirtualhands.com.

You’re home now. A short while ago you stood over a hole in the earth. You blew a kiss, tossed a rose, sprinkled a shovelful of dirt over a casket, and said goodbye to your husband, your soul mate, the best friend you ever had.

As you move about greeting hungry strangers, someone whispers that the woman wandering about with mayonnaise on her chin is your mother’s sister’s next door neighbor’s cousin’s dog’s pet sitter. It is a scene right out of Star Wars, the one in the bar, and you feel trapped in it. In a little while everyone is gone, even the dirty-faced dog walker. The door shuts and reality sets in. He isn’t coming home. Ever. And in those early days after the funeral, performing the simplest of tasks will seem monumental. You will wonder can I make it - Without Him?

You can. And you will.

Here are ten tips to help you survive…after the funeral:

1. Do say yes to a friend, close relative, or good neighbor, who offers to spend the night (or more), while you slip into something uncomfortable - Widowhood.

Don’t be alone that first night, not unless you don’t have a choice. First nights without Him sting like a bee and an angel to sit quietly at your kitchen table, to turn out the lights, to shut off the cell phone, and to prepare a cup of tea while you tuck the children in bed, walk the dog, feed the cat, is like aloe on sunburn.

2. Do carry a small notebook. And pen.

Take them with you everywhere you go, even to the bathroom. New widows run out of toothpaste, toilet paper, tissues, ear swabs, and lipstick. And they forget. If your pen and notebook is handy, you won’t forget to write the item down. You won’t forget to buy it. You will teach yourself structure and focus, something every new widow needs. And running an errand will get you out of the house.

3. Do learn your financial status.

As soon as practical, make an appointment with your accountant, your attorney, and your broker. Bundle your papers, bank statements, insurance policies, will, and outstanding bills. Review them before your appointment. Got questions? Write them down - In that little notebook, remember? The one in your purse.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You are a new widow, and there is no such thing as a “silly” question. As a matter of fact bury that “silly” word. You’re in charge now. Information is crucial to your survival. And for pity sakes, if you don’t know how to balance a checkbook, ask.

4. Do pay the mortgage. And the electric.

Other bills may be postponed, temporarily, but not these two. You can lie down and wish your world to go away after you’ve written these two checks and recorded the data in your check register, or that little notebook, the one in your purse. Don’t forget to stick a stamp on the envelopes. Don’t forget to mail them. Again, it’ll give you a reason to leave the house.

5. Do take care of yourself - Comb your hair, wash your face, brush your teeth, apply lipstick - Do it everyday. Even if you don’t leave the house.

Don’t get a haircut. This is not the time. Not unless you’ve got a standing appointment and feel comfortable sitting in a chair for any amount of time. On the long list of things that’ll make a new widow feel worse, a bad hair day for the next six months rockets to the top. I suggest delaying a hair cut for at least three months. If you find your hair really scraggly, make a ponytail and tie a ribbon in it. What? No ribbon? What’s that pink thing on that basket of fruit?

6. Do take care of your children.

If you have small children, don’t neglect them. They need you. Feed them, even if it’s cold cereal. Wash their clothes and their faces. Remind them gently to brush their teeth. Don’t be afraid to hold them and hug them. Do tell them, everything will be alright.

7. Do walk the dog.
Do change the cat’s litter.
Do make certain that all house pets are fed and that they have access to fresh water. It’s not unkind to fill a sink with tap water or to leave the toilet seat up. Just remember to flush.

Don’t get mad when Barky has an accident, when Kitty claws the carpet, or if they chase each other’s tails. Pets mourn, too. Watch for behavior that may require a trip to the vet.

8. Do take out the trash.

Don’t wait until the kitchen stinks of spoiled chopped meat and sour milk. No excuse if you live alone. Put on a robe and take out the trash. A family of creepy crawly things is the last thing you want for company.

9. Do eat. Not hungry? Drink water. Keep yourself hydrated.

Don’t drink alcohol. Not even one beer. Even if you have always had one glass of wine with dinner, don’t do it. At least temporarily. And if you never drank before, don’t start now.

10. Do cry.

Tears are cleansing and will help wash away your pain. The only way to process grief is to go through it, not around it, not under it, and not over it. That means crying. So don’t be afraid to let it out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, to call a doctor, a psychologist, a grief counselor. Don’t be afraid to join a bereavement group. A new widow needs to get out of the house. She needs structure. She needs support. And more important, she needs to know she is not alone.

Life won’t be the same without Him. That’s for sure. But after the funeral, following these tips will aid you, the new widow, as you develop coping mechanisms, focus, and strategies to help you help yourself as you make your way through the early stages of grief.

Linda Della Donna is a freelance writer. A graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature, Linda writes for children, parents, and widows. She makes her home in a suburb of Westchester, NY with her small dog, Izzy, and his little cat, Tux. You can learn more about Linda by visiting her web site, littleredmailbox.com littleredmailbox.com and reading her blog at griefcase.blogspot.com griefcase.blogspot.com

Some may ask what is the true will of God and how do I obtain it? Well let’s see what the Bible says. Look at Psalms 40:6 it says Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced; burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. Then I said, Here I am, I have come—it is written about me in the scroll. I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly I do not seal my lips, as you know, O Lord. I do not hide your righteousness in my heart.

It says in Psalms 51:11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a will spirit, to sustain me. Now look at Psalms 143:8 it says Let the morning bring me word of you unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

I suggest reading the whole book of Acts. The Apostle Paul speaks about the whole will of God. Look at Acts 20:25 it says Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. Keep watch over yourselves and the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.

Look at what is says in Hebrews 9:16 it says In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it, because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living. Now look at 1Peter 1:13 it says Therefore, prepare you minds for action; be self-controlled;; set your hope on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do, for it is written: Be holy, because I am holy.

Jesus tells us not to love the world. Look at 1John 2:15 it says Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but for the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

In the book of Ephesians 5:17 it says Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

In the book of Revelation 4:9 it says Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives forever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.

Now look at 1Thessalonians 4:3 it says It is God’s will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

We also must have a willingness to give. In the book of 2Corinthians 8:12 it says For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it written: He who gathered much did not have too much and he who gathered little did not have too little.

In conclusion let us remember the prize. In the book of Philippians 3:14 it says I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Love Always,

Your Sister in Christ,

Mellody Davis

Enjoy more reading at: hostinghelps.com/allaboutjesus/AboutJesus.html hostinghelps.com/allaboutjesus/AboutJesus.html

“The work of your life is to discover your purpose and get on with the business of living it out.”
Oprah Winfrey

All too often in life we’re trying to figure out how to get what we want when we haven’t clearly identified who we are let alone what we truly want. It is not our responsibility to figure out the mechanisms of getting what we want. It is our duty simply to intend what we want.

When you set your intention and hold steadfast to it the Universe shifts to begin the process of manifesting that which you desire. The key is to think consistently about what you want.

“Prayer is what you do between praying.”

One of my clients was wrestling with having the faith that she can change her life and live the lifestyle she truly desires. We were discussing the power of intention and the Law of Attraction and I suggested that she should set her intention on something small and relatively easy to achieve and work her way up to bigger and more challenging goals. The rationale behind this was that with every success her belief in the power of intention and the Law of Attraction would increase.

Towards the end of our session she mentioned that she had been trying, unsuccessfully to contact the organisers of a seminar that she had a ticket for. I asked what she wanted and she said she wanted to know if she could take a guest along because she wished her daughter to attend.

It so happened that I had a spare ticket which I wanted to pass onto someone who would make good use of it. I offered her the ticket and then laughed out loud. “Did you see what just happened?” I asked.

It was a perfect example of the Law of Attraction at work.

Imagine you are in restaurant. Your table is simply set and while you have been provided with bread and water there is no menu. While people come and go the restaurant remains full and you notice that some people are enjoying sumptuous meals with course after course. Others are eating well but more modestly. In fact there seems to be a full spectrum starting with those with barely enough food and drink to get by and following through to those who appear to have an abundance.

At first you feel resentment and possible envy at those who seem to have so much. Then those feelings fade and you start to focus on what you would like to eat. You are grateful for the bread but you think how nice it would be to have some hot soup to go with it. You close your eyes. You can see the colour of the soup with gentle wafts of steam coming from the bowl, feel the smooth fluid flowing down your throat, you can almost smell its rich aroma. Wait a minute! You can smell hot soup! You open your eyes as a waiter places a bowl of soup in front of you. As he retreats you hear the words, though they are not actually spoken,

“Ask and you will receive.”

Your mouth is watering now and so you tuck into the soup, savouring every mouthful. All too soon the soup is finished but your appetite has not been fully appeased. If anything the soup only served to whet your appetite. Without being fully conscious of what you are doing you start to create a full meal in your mind. You are so hungry that you allow your imagination to get carried away and you visualise the meal with great detail. Meanwhile you feast your eyes with the rich meals that you see around you but rather than feel envy you use the rich sights to enhance your own visualisation.

Some time elapses when suddenly the waiter appears before you again. He places a dish in front of you and then proceeds to add several other items. It’s the meal that you were visualising except for one dish which you are not sure about. Then it hits you. There was one part of your meal that you had difficulty focusing on. Consequently, you lacked clarity on this particular dish.

You beam gratefully at the waiter and then repeat the words you had heard before,

“Ask and you will receive.”

The waiter gave an almost imperceptible nod and vanishes as quickly and silently as before.

“Thank you!”

You whip out your napkin and are about to tuck in when you feel a pair of eyes staring intently not so much at you, but at the delicious meal spread before you. You stand up and extend your arms beckoning,

“I have an abundance of food and drink. Come, share this meal with me.”

Every year more than 50 million people die worldwide. The two main forms of funeral rites adopted by most are either cremation or burial. Through spiritual research methodologies, we have examined the effect of each of these types of funeral rites from the point of view of helping our ancestors in the afterlife.

What happens to the physical and subtle body of an average person after death?

When a person dies only the physical body is shed, but the subtle body consisting of the mind, intellect, ego and all the desires in the form of sheaths continues to exist.
At the time of death, excretory gases are expelled from the dead body. Since they are gases exiting a decaying body, their frequencies and vibrations are negative in nature and as a result the tama component increases in the immediate surrounding environment. Ghosts (demons, devils, spirits etc) get attracted to these negative frequencies and enter the environment around the dead body.
The ghosts attack the dead body by gaining control over the five vital energies and sub-vital energies, which are in the process of being released into the Universe from the body at the time of death. They emit black energy in the form of smoke on to the dead body, engulfing it and creating a black covering on it. This smoke is invisible but can be perceived through one’s sixth sense (ESP). Due to the attacks by ghosts, there is a transmission of black frequencies into the dead body and the corpse gets charged with black frequencies.
After the ghost gains control on the physical body and five vital energies and sub-vital energies, it turns its attention to capturing the subtle body of the dead person.
The subtle body of an average person is generally full of worldly desires and hovers around in the Earth plane. It has a subtle link with its previous physical body, both in the form of attachment to it and also through the vital energy which is released into the atmosphere over a period of a few days. Ghosts use this subtle link to get to the subtle body. It begins to ensnare the subtle body by transmitting whorls of black energy towards the subtle body. It thus pulls the subtle body of the deceased into its field of attack.
Then they trap the subtle body into a web of black frequencies. This impedes the free movement of the subtle body and thus creates obstacles in its onward journey in the afterlife. After some time, many ghosts join the attack on the subtle body by creating further whorls of black frequencies and take it under their complete control. In this way, ghosts systematically gain control over the dead body and the subtle body of the departed ancestor.

Function and importance of spiritually correct funeral rites

Main aim is to accomplish the following:
Minimize the attack by ghosts
Help the subtle body shake off its bond to the physical body
To give momentum and protection to the subtle body in its onward journey in the afterlife.

Comparative study of Cremation and Burial through an advanced sixth sense (ESP)

Spiritually correct cremation of a body
Cremation is the practice of disposing of a corpse by burning.

At the outset, it is important to note that the cremation needs to be done at the earliest and preferably before sunset. By expediting the funeral process itself, we minimise the impact on the dead body by ghosts (demons, devils, spirits, etc.).

The following are the sequence of events that were observed -

During the cremation (with the effect of the Absolute Fire element) along with the recitation of specific mantras, the five vital energies, sub-vital energies and excretory gases in the corpse are expelled and disintegrated in the atmosphere.
As the body is burning, a subtle protective sheath forms around the body due to the Absolute Fire element and mantras, protecting it from any attack by ghosts.
Due to the complete disintegration of the five vital energies and sub-vital energies any subtle bond that the subtle body had with the body is broken.
The Absolute Fire element and mantras also cleanse the subtle body of any raja-tama frequencies and provide a protective sheath around it.
As a result, the subtle body now cleansed of raja-tama spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/spiritualscience/sattva_raja_tama/ spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/spiritualscience/sattva_raja_tama/ frequencies becomes lighter and more sattvik. This adds to the momentum in its onward journey out of the Earth plane.

Burial of a body

Casket (coffin) manufacturers generally manufacture caskets with seamless welds and rubber gaskets. These caskets are known as ’sealed’ caskets. The caskets are made in such a way so as to keep out water, soil and air. However they also succeed in trapping all the excretory gases in the coffin. The subtle pressure in the coffin rises as the distressing frequencies emanating from the corpse materialize within the coffin and are transformed into a black sheath around the body. This materialization process generates distressing, frictional, hot frequencies. These frequencies generate a subtle distressing sound that attracts ghosts (demons, devils, negative energies etc.)

The ghosts enter the coffin and gain control over the five vital energies, sub-vital energies and begin the charging of the corpse with a covering of black energy. As the body is buried adjacent to the ground, it attracts distressing frequencies from the Hell region that form a dome of black frequency chords over the corpse. Over time, with the inundation of black energy by ghosts, the heaviness of the subtle body also increases. The subtle body is pulled towards the coffin and gets trapped in it and falls prey to the attacks by ghosts.

As the subtle bodies of the buried are trapped in the Earth region their probability of becoming ghosts is more than in those where the body is cremated . Even if the person has led a relatively good life when alive, just by the very act of burial, his probability of becoming a ghost much against his own will increases manifold. Under the influence of other ghosts, he is forced to commit acts wherein his demerits rise relegating him further to the lower regions of the Universe.

In Summary
After the research conducted on both kinds of funeral rites i.e. Cremation and Burial only cremation meets all the criteria for the effectiveness of a funeral rite as below:
Minimises the attack by ghosts
Helps the subtle body shake off its bond to the physical body
Gives momentum and protection to the subtle body in the afterlife

Sometimes we are attached to the form of funeral rite that our culture is used to. However, the spiritual repercussions of burial need to be weighed against one’s psychological attachment for a certain funeral rite.

To learn more and view the subtle drawings of this topic visit: spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/difficulties/ancestors/Burial_Cremation.php spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/difficulties/ancestors/Burial_Cremation.php spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/difficulties/ancestors/Burial_Cremation.php

I am a firm believer that people should try to make the most out of each day that they are alive. We all have to die at some point and even though this may seem a little morbid it is true. Today or tomorrow could be our last day and therefore this is why we should be living each day to the full.

Each day I read and watch the local and international news stories which make me aware of some very sad events. People who are very young are dying each day in a variety of different circumstances and I am very much aware that I am not immune from one of these tragic events. No one can say for sure that they are going to live until lets say seventy years of age, most people I think presume that they will, which could be seen in some quarters as a good thing. Thinking positive they say is the right way to think, which I have to admit is something I also agree with.

My attitude is that I need to work to live where as other people seem to live to work. It is like they would rather be at work than at home having fun or spending time with their family. I know a number of people who have young children but who leave their house at around half six in the morning and do not return home until seven at night. This is not because they are poor but because they will take on any extra hours as way as overtime that is offered to them. I personally would rather spend time with my children than be stuck at work and feel that my life is enriched in this way.

When I am on my death bed in what I hope will not be for a long time yet of course, I want to be able to think and say to myself that I have no regrets and that I am happy with the way I have lived my life. At the moment I am lucky as I am able to watch my children grow and mature as people. From the work that I do, I am able to take my family on holiday each year and can afford to pay all of my bills. Some no doubt might say that I should work a lot more hours than I do, I would then be able to buy a better car and would be able to take my family on two holidays per year. What I would say in response to this however, is at what price would I be able to obtain this? I would have to sacrifice much of the quality time I have with my children, would not be able to take them swimming and to the park as often as I do for example. I hope and think that my children are very happy at the moment and this in my opinion is priceless. I will not compromise this in search for a better standard of car etc.

I used to constantly worry about what might happen to me in three or six months time. Will this or that happen? If it does how would I be able to cope? I am of course worrying in these situations about things that have not even and may never happen. This I have now realised is pointless and even very silly. I should be living for today, I should be making the most of today, I will think about tomorrow, tomorrow. I will deal with any problems that come my way in the best way that I can at the time when they happen, that is all I can do. By stressing about them before they happen will only stop me from enjoying myself on that particular day.

Now is the time to stop the stress, worry, fear and depression. There is a good chance that we only have one life, so lets enjoy it.

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We all believe

How do you believe? We are all believers, did you know that? Whatever your religious background or creed, you believe! Even when you are an agnostic, you believe!

You might get already that I am not talking about purely religious beliefs here. I am talking about the beliefs each and everyone of us holds about the world around us, like: “the earth is a beautiful place”, “I do not deserve to be treated this way”, “I do not like cold weather”, “my father was the nicest man on earth”, “rain sucks”, “you are a good friend”, “I am too good for this world”, etc. etc.

These statements are all beliefs (some people even believe they are facts….!), mental belief-statements and/or judgments you make about –what you call- “reality”.

Road-map

We have beliefs about everything (yes, everything) we (have) experience(d) in this world. You have beliefs about you, about other people, about work, the weather, your past, your future, the world, mental concepts, and on and on the list goes. You believe!

The sum total of these beliefs form your “road-map” of the world, the map you use to navigate your way through your worldly experience with. In other words, they are the spectacles you’ve –consciously or subconsciously- decided to put on to view your life through. Or, to put it differently, what you believe is what you will see, and what you see is what you will believe. Believe it or not.

A fact is, your beliefs are not mine, and mine are not my neighbour’s. We all hold different sets of beliefs. Nonetheless we can hold the same belief about certain things in life, and then we call each other “like minded” (or something similar)! When a bigger group of people have beliefs in common they usually join up and form a movement (like catholics, protestants, democrats, etc).

How do beliefs come about?

The interesting question in this context is: how are beliefs formed in the first place, and how can we use the answer to this question to create our own life’s experience consciously? That’s the topic I would like to touch upon. I will not be talking about specific content of beliefs, but about “beliefs” in general, so it basically covers any belief we might hold.

Let’s start at the beginning. When we are born (some people say) we hold no beliefs, so literally we have no idea. But from then on until the day we die, through our 5 senses, life happens. We are bombarded and imprinted with all kinds of experiences and events. These happen through our parents’ teachings, our schooling, events that take place in our lives, things that we’ve experienced before, etc. etc. In experiencing all this we slowly start to have our own thoughts about reality, and start linking thoughts together (cause & effect). We have an idea, form a concept, attach a meaning to it, feel a certain way about it, and solidify those thoughts more and more by doing so. We might still have some doubts and questions about how to organise our thinking into logical concepts, but we are on our way to forming beliefs!

For instance: at first, you have no idea about yourself. Then, parents and family tell you you are a human being, they name you a certain way and may tell you you are beautiful and are born to be happy. You start to form an identity based upon you being a beautiful, happy human.

As the thoughts gain more clarity, and you find confirmation and validation through “facts” and acceptance of your thoughts by others, they become knowledge. You ARE a human being, and your name IS, and you ARE beautiful and feel happy …This knowledge solidifies into a knowing, and then into a belief. The more clarity and affirming thoughts and/or experiences, and the lesser doubts and questions you have, the stronger your belief, which finally becomes a conviction.

The truth of it is, that the mere repetition of an idea or thought often sees that thought turn into a belief. To use a negative example: if I emphatically tell you long enough and often enough that you are ugly and no good, in the end you’ll start to believe that, and will start to doubt your self-worth for sure!

Coffee table

You can liken this system to a coffee table. The idea or thought you hold is the table top, and the “evidence” in the outside world that you base your idea/thought on are the legs under the table. The more legs your coffee table has, the stronger the thought (which then becomes a belief or conviction). The lesser legs the table has, the more shaky that belief is, and the more easy it is to make the table topple by questioning the validity of the belief.

From this follows, that your beliefs are based upon your experience with and in the outside world. There must be pieces of evidence for you to hold (or doubt!) a certain belief. The evidence comes up as soon as I ask you the question “why do(n’t) you believe that?” You will come with an answer “well, because……..”, and OUT comes the evidence that supports your belief or challenges another one’s belief.

Coaching

As you hear this, you might appreciate that I make use of this system of belief-forming in the coaching work that I do. For instance, a client has a business, and he claims the business is not going well. The underlying belief of the client may be that he is not a good marketer, and that is why (in his opinion!) the business is going badly. And there might be more “reasons” why it is not going right. All these reasons are legs under the coffee table’s top called “business is going badly”.

In this example, I will challenge the legs (i.e. reasons) under the table top to shift the perspective and make the belief shake. I use questions like: is the business going badly overall, or just on parts? And: what parts are going really well? In doing so, I saw away the legs under the coffee table, which eventually will weaken the belief (“it’s not so bad after all”).

In addition, I will have the client create new beliefs (new table tops), ones that are more conducive to business success. The only thing left to do is find legs under the table (i.e. evidence in the outside world) that exist already, and actively look for evidence (however small) that will support the new belief in the future. Repetition of the new belief, and taking the focus off the old one will make the new belief stronger and stronger, and eventually the new belief will become reality. Believe me. It works that way.

Recap

As a recap: beliefs are built over time, growing from thoughts, concepts and ideas, becoming more solid through life’s experiences, through education, through what influential people tell you, through events you’ve experienced before, etc. This continues until this thought/idea is so rock-solid that you do not doubt it anymore: it has turned into a belief/conviction. This is true for any belief, whether self-honouring or self-deprecating.

Still, however solid the conviction, it is possible to “uncreate” old negative beliefs and to create new positive ones. Destroy the ones that do not serve you well (by questioning their validity), and create ones that honour you and are effective.

When you understand how the process works, life comes under your control. You can change your life drastically, even though you think you cannot. In realising that you hold the tools, life becomes a very interesting game to play, with fascinating prospects. I, wholly and truly, believe THAT!

Marc de Bruin

Marc is a certified life/business coach and master NLP Practitioner on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. He specialises in coaching people at critical junctions in their careers and/or lives, in order for them to find out what has been hindering them all along in achieving what they want, and to then make the conscious choice to take their lives and/or careers to the next level.

Having been a lawyer for nearly 6 years in his “previous life”, before immigrating to Australia from The Netherlands, Marc knows exactly how daunting taking the first step in a new direction can be. On the other hand, he also knows how fulfilling taking that step is, and has the knack of imparting his knowledge and wisdom in a stunningly simple and highly effective way.

God loves ordinary beings. That is His strength. He does special things for good people. He will help you meet with an accident, he will take away everything from you, he will ensure that you get into deep trouble…. If you think i am insane here you probably are right but God is not… He knows how to play His Game and take care of his beloved ones here on earth…. Bad things will Always Happen to Good people. Here is reason why…..

Good people carry out their day to day duties deligently. They are honest in their dealings and they do not have a crooked mind. They believe in God more than they believe in themselves. God loves all of them . He wants to help them. God conveys his love to these people in various forms through persons,ideas, and events. God knocks at the door of good people everyday but these simpletons do not understand. They fear to open the door. God wants to come in but they are afraid to open the door….. So what does God do…?

Here is what He does. He pushes the door open. He wants to come in … He is more desperate to help you . He does special things for you because he knows good people learn quickly only when bad events happen to them …. Bad events are the need of the hour for good people… There is nothing so bad that can happen to you once you realise that the force which makes all this happens comes from a source which is so genuine that its only intention is to take you to the next level.

Bad things will Always Happen to Good people. Why do you fear when you know that a higher force is entering into your body? Allow those bad things to happen to you just as you allow good things to enter into your life. Good and bad things are both God sent. Don’t doubt the master. He is working for you and he has far greater and bigger plans for you than you thought…

Lecturer, entrepreneur and Fortune 500 business consultant, Vish Writer is the author of the Amazon No 1 bestseller, “The Joy of Becoming God” For more information, visit:
spiritual-simplicity.com spiritual-simplicity.com vish-writer.com vish-writer.com

My old dad always said to me, “Insanity is doing the same thing every day and expecting to get different results. You’ve got to change what you do to get a different result. Don’t try to change everything at once. Concentrate on one thing at a time and when you get it squared away, then go on to the next thing.” Great fatherly advice!

The other day I was out in my front yard and a friend came by. He stopped to talk. After we had exchanged pleasantries, he shuffled from one foot to the other, stuck his hands in his pockets and then said, “I hear that you write motivational articles to help people better themselves.” I replied, “Yes I do, Bob, but how did you hear about that?” He grinned sheepishly and said, “You know small towns, everybody knows everybody else’s business. ” He then asked me what I considered to be the 10 most important steps to success. I told him that there were a lot of things that you had to do to become more successful, however, that the 10 that would get him well on his way were the 10 listed below.

1. Find a mentor or coach that will help you determine your gift or reason for being here. Pick someone you respect. Use this person as a sounding board for your ideas and to motivate you when you need a little push.

2. Discover your gift in life; pursue it with passion and make it your life’s work. If you are passionate about your job, you will excel at it. It will be a pleasure to perform and there will be little stress involved. (Your gift in life is something that you are good at and enjoy doing.)

3. Set goals and write down your goals and the steps needed to reach them. Read your goals at least three times a day. Use the steps as guides, but focus on the goals.

4. Take action on your goals. If you don’t act, no matter how great your goals are or how many times you read them, you will never reach them. You can read all the self-help books you want and make hundreds of goals, but until you finally put your knowledge into action, nothing happens!

5. Work consistently and persistently towards your goals. Do not let doubts, procrastination or impatience hold you back.

6. Become a good listener. If you practice your listening skills, you will become very good at learning everything available from every conversation you have. You will remember names, events and places, and people will enjoy having you around.

7. Learn to use your time wisely. Don’t waste a second! Don’t spend time on frivolous things. Use your time to get the best out of life and to accomplish the things that will move you towards your goals.

8. Take 100% responsibility for your life. Control how you perceive and react to the events of life. How you respond to these events determines YOUR outcome.

9 Your thoughts control all aspects of your life. Keep your thoughts positive and focussed on your goals and your life will be more positive and successful.

10. Become your own advertising agency. You don’t have to become a braggart, but let your boss or customers know what you can do by both your words and your actions. If you don’t tell people about yourself, they will never get to know the real you.

As I told Bob, there are many steps to becoming a successful person, but in my view, the above 10 are the most important and should be pursued in order. When you master these 10 steps I guarantee that you will be much more successful than you were before you started practising them.

Gilbert Griffiths helped thousands of people during a professional career that spanned more than 35 years. He recently came out of retirement with a passionate goal to help one million people improve
their lives. Would you like to be one of those people? If you would, go to

While self pity ranks as one of the most effective tools of a child in coping with the rigors of life, as a grown-up self pity becomes the glue that holds our problems together.

It lulls us to sleep as it gently persuades us that we really aren’t responsible for our life and the problems in it. The slimy gooey mushy pit of self pity cradles and cocoons us, and like a fish in the ocean that never realizes it lives in water, we don’t even know the self pity exists in our lives.

But, boy can we see it in others!

When I first began to seriously explore self pity a few years ago, one of the first things that jumped out at me was the fact that almost everyone I knew was literally inundated with it! I was surrounded by people in self pity.

This seemed so odd, since I honestly believed my own pity had been somehow conquered and bested; perhaps shooed off in the night, or maybe, attempting to do the right thing, it simply slunk away while I wasn’t looking.

Either way, I KNEW I didn’t have any self pity issues…

Therefore, I felt completely justified - almost as a duty to God and country, to point out (and oh, so tactfully!) the pity I observed in the people I loved. Kind of like pointing out a speck of food on your dinner companion’s face.

After all, they’ll probably thank me for it, and I’ll be a hero, right? I’ll be the wise one, the sage, the enlightened guru on the mountain top of emotional stability, ready to impart my wisdom on all those savvy enough to listen.

The “Miss Manners” of the emotional realm. Why, I could even start an advice column in the local…

My daydreaming was rudely interrupted by a hard dose of reality, as my good intentions (have you noticed - they’re ALWAYS good?) not only fell upon deaf ears, but my wonderful friends and relatives, apparently having their own plans for advice columns up their sleeves, informed me (without the tact, I might add) that not only was I COMPLETELY AND ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WRONG, but also I WAS THE ONE IN SELF PITY and NOT THEM.

Well, that was a real head scratcher, let me tell you.

Months passed. Still, the resolution alluded me. How could they ALL be so wrong?

Finally, I began to learn about and explore the shadow self - the part of us that holds all the things we deny.

I learned the shadow, born when we are born, exists as a part of every human. Every bit as real as any person alive. I learned the shadow is not something to be despised, or feared, but rather the shadow serves a very useful function.

All the thoughts, all the feelings that I could not or would not admit to having - they didn’t just disappear. As I was throwing my pity away, like cigarette butts thrown from a speeding car, my shadow followed right along behind me, picking up every single one of those pitiful butts and saving them for when I matured enough to dispose of them properly.

And in the meantime, my shadow offered many hints and clues to the pity I denied. One of those hints reflected as the people around me expressing and living in pity.

What a mind blowing experience! …to come to understand and know, on a gut level - that others really are a mirror to my own inner workings. More than a cute saying, the people in my life really do reflect what’s inside of me. They really do.

The pity I denied ended up in the whinings of those around me. Like a bad movie that just will not end, my unwitting friends were playing out the very emotions that I would swear on a stack of Bibles did not exist in me.

Now I REALLY had a reason to feel pity! And I was forced to acknowledge what I knew deep down inside the whole time. Yes, there was a tiny, tiny, TINY bit of pity somewhere in my otherwise upstanding and respectable emotional body.
(Did I mention it was tiny?)

Out of this recognition and acknowledgment, I was then able to take the next step: forgiving myself.

And out of forgiveness comes the ability to change.

So the next time you hear your friends whining about nothing, remember they’re only reflecting what you’re too, um, spiritually evolved to whine about yourself.

Mark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, doesn’t want to hear about your pity. Especially since you can flush it out in minutes by going to ==> join-the-fun.com/self-pity.html join-the-fun.com/self-pity.html

And for more emotional healing info, go to ==> healing-emotional-pain.com healing-emotional-pain.com